Saturday, December 27, 2008

Feelin' Like a Hoopty ...

From the urban dictionary:

1. hoopty -- Basically, a piece of crap car. Usually cheap and/or broken down. Can be any size, make or model, but must (or should) be embarrassing to drive

With the new year about to roll in I have been thinking about resolutions … well … no, actually that’s not quite true … “thinking” is too strong a word. I have been entertaining an occasional fleeting thought about resolutions … now, that’s more like it. Truth is I’m a little jaded about the whole process. “Why,” I say to myself. “What possible good can come from resolving to be a new and improved version of myself on January 1st only to roll out of bed on, say the 15th, look in the mirror and realize that all I did was spray a fresh coat of cheap paint over the same old high-mileage hoopty I was last year.” Yes, the check-engine light on the dashboard of my weary soul is flashing … and I’m afraid that the price of a tune-up might be higher than the blue-book value on this old clunker.

Okay … so I wrote that on December 26th and I am marveling at how swiftly the post holiday blues sets in … “check engine light on the dash board of my weary soul”… Geez, sorry about that one. I leave it here only because it reminds me and gives you a glimpse into my melancholy, overly dramatic mind. Feeling better today … but still cognizant of the fact that most of my days are pretty mundane and that the same old same-old, though comforting in its predictability also threatens to undo whatever is left of hope and optimism in me. And aren't those the qualities that make you believe there is still good work to do in this life, positive change to initiate and effect? Iguess I just need to remember that everything in my life that I feel is “mundane” and “the same old same-old” was once wonderful and highly desirable to me. The problem is NOT that these things are any less wonderful or desirable, it is that I have gotten used to them and that I do not wonder at or desire them like I used to when they seemed to be just beyond my reach. My family, my friends, my job, my home, even the relative health of my aging mind and body … wonders of my world for which I am today (and ought to be every day) deeply grateful.

And so now, sufficiently tuned-up, I prepare for another year. It’s all a matter of perspective, isn't it? I’m still a ’64 … but rather than thinking of my life as a busted old hoopty I’ll think of it as a classic. Vintage … Yeah!

Think I’ll put the top down and take her out for a spin!